Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Broken hearted

Today is one of the days when you wish you could wake up and realize it was all just a bad dream .
many times today wondered if I read the message correctly , did it really say what I think it said ? no I couldn't have just read that the "baby is gone" , it is too painful to process , to unimaginable to be real.

My little brother and his wife have been trying to have a family for several years now , they had a couple of early miscarriages , then last year after all looked good , their baby was still born at 34 weeks due to an undiagnosed blood condition {of my SIL} and complications due to HELLP which is a severe form of pre eclampsia .

No parent should have to sit at the funeral of their baby , their pain was so hard to experience from the outside.
It took me a very long time to see a baby and not go back to that sad day , it was a long journey back to hope for them and dream for them again.

They got pregnant again , she was on blood thinners twice daily shots, blood pressure meds , seeing a high risk OB in Toronto , in fact the visits got bumped up to twice a week recently just to be safe . I got to see this precious baby alive an kicking during an ultrasound just a few weeks ago , all looked well , baby looked awesome.

But today on their visit {24 weeks} they found out the baby didn't make it , he or she is gone , some say to heaven , but this hole in our lives just says the baby is gone .
My arms ached as soon as I heard , like I had no life in my limbs , I wish I could make it all better , turn back time . Life should not be this hard for one couple....

I don't think I will be posting too much in the next little while , gonna focus on family .
But I will be back , just need some time ...


I am going to go to be with them this evening , please send me your strength , this is going to be a hard day and night for my family.

72 comments:

Nicki said...

I follow your blog regularly and just wanted to say that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. As a labor and delivery nurse I have shared the unbelievable loss of a baby with families and pray that your whole family are able to help each other through the ocean of emotions that are sure to come in the months ahead. It is unimaginable to think of having to do it twice. I pray for you and send my love.

Katie said...

Praying you along as you comfort your family. My sister lost a baby at 18 weeks last December and I felt such a deep sadness, I can't imagine what you and your family are feeling. May you know a 'peace that passes understanding' in this incredible difficult time. And may your brother and sister-in-law experience a special comfort and grace from God as they grieve this loss.

Heidi said...

Don't know what to say Chris, but I'm thinking about all of you guys, and praying for an extra measure of grace for them to survive this too, and for all of you there who have to experience the loss first hand.

Your too-many-miles-away sis.

diana said...

sending prayers from the TEXAS HILL COUNTRY .

maitlandmommy AKA Sheri said...

i am so very sorry. there are just no words to say to help, except that i will pray for them, and for strength for you as well.

SweetPea said...

How horrible. My thoughts are with your family.

Jenna said...

Oh Chris...My heart mourns for their many losses... There's nothing else I can say... I'm so, so sorry...

Drew&Samsmom said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your terrible loss. I visit your blog often and your posts will be missed. Take care of yourself and family - My thoughts will be with you during this rough time.

stevie
http://thriftingthedayaway.blogspot.com/

Deb said...

Oh, how terrible. I feel so deeply for your brother and sister in law.
You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs

JenLo said...

Wow, Chris! I can only imagine how heartsick you must be. I know from your posts how dear your family is to you. Will be praying for you through this terrible time.

Michelle@Fromhousetohome said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, how sad for all of you. I know they will appreciate your company as they grieve.
~Michelle

Dawn said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your families loss! I'm sending hugs your way!

Barbara said...

There is nothing to say except I'm really sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you and your family.
__
Barbara
http://ifididnthaveasenseofhumor.blogspot.com

Kelly said...

I am so so sorry to hear this news. My heart goes out to you and your family.

♥Amber Filkins♥ said...

I know I've already said I'm sorry a dozen times on Facebook. I pray for strength for each one of you to make it through this awful, horrible time. I will be thinking of you constantly, and praying that you feel comforted.

mimi said...

The loss of a child is like no other. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

Magic Brush said...

So, so soooooo sorry. Oh they must be devastated. Praying for you all.

Susan said...

My prayers are with you and your family. Take care of them and we'll hopefully see you soon!

Karli said...

I'm so sorry for the loss you are all feeling at this time. I know there are no words to make the pain go away but know that you and your family are loved. My sister is suffering with the same problems. Multiple late term miscarriages all due to a blood condition. The shots didn't help her either. It seems like the best way for her to deal is just have someone who loves her talk to her when she needs it and even when she thinks she doesn't. My prayers go out to your family.

Twinmommy2boys said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss. The whole family will grieve this and it's not fair, life just sucks sometimes. You and yours will be in my thoughts.

Low Tide High Style said...

As someone who lives by my words, finding the right ones to use right now is difficult!

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I had tears in my eyes as I read your gut wrenching post. I suffered preeclampsia with my first pregnancy and know what a horrible condition it can be.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all as you move forward into the difficult days and weeks ahead.

Kat

Carrie Sullivan said...

My heart and prayers go out for all of you, I cannot imagine. I will definitely keep you all on our prayer list.
Peace and Comfort.
Carrie

Jamie Thompson Photography said...

I so understand that pain. My heart is breaking for them and you. Struggling to have a child and have it end like this beyond tragic. I have walked in their shoes, I have walked in your shoes. It is not a path that is easy or fun, but it makes you so strong. It takes a very long time, but bit by bit it comes. Everyday I think of what should have been, of my babies in heaven. I cry often over and for them. But now I look at my beautiful child and know that all the pain, tragedy and struggle was not in vain. My prayers will be with you and them. Please know that there are people who do understand and have walked that long dark place, and we are here, offering all the support we can.
Take care of yourselves!
In His Love,
Jamie

Sarah said...

You are in my thoughts. I'll be wishing you all the strength I can spare for you and your family. What a heartbreaking thing to go through once, let alone multiple times. I can't imagine their pain.

{The Classy Woman} said...

I'll be praying for you and your family. What a long and painful road they have been down. I can't even imagine their disappointment. :(

My mom had three miscarriages before finally having my little brother. He and I are my parents' only children. My mom was devastated each time. Sometimes these things are beyond our knowledge or comprehension but HE always works everything out in His perfect timing, although it may not be ours and we may be left with the question, 'WHY?'.

I was having a very frustrating/heart breaking weekend but your post really put things in perspective. What I was going through was trivial in comparison.

I pray for strength and peace in the coming weeks for them as well as the rest of your family.

Hugs,
Karla

The Pink Owl said...

I'm so so sorry. Thinking of you and your family.

Lori Kees said...

Broken hearts mend, but I don't know if they ever heal completely, I'm crying for them. God is holding them close and your family will be able to give them some comfort I know.

God's strength to them and all of you.

Lori

Debbie said...

so so sorry. Prayers of peace and comfort for you all.

Jane said...

First of all let me offer you my condolences and prayers for you and your family. My youngest daughter just lost her 2nd back last summer around 32 weeks. He was born dead. She finally got to the point to where she could hold him and at point would not let him out of her arms. They wrapped Samuel David in warm blankies and sweet clothing. The 2nd day they warmed his body up because she wanted a few more hours with him to say her good-byes. She just lost her 2nd one just at 8 weeks two weeks ago. She has done her share of drugs and is on a methadone treatment plan, and has had several abortions, so I don't know if one of these things or all of the above contributed to the losses. All I do know is that as a grandmother, I DO know how you are feeling. I look forward to seeing my two precious babies in heaven one day. In the mean time, one must mourn the loss of these babies who did not make it into this world. I'm praying for you and yours. God will sustain you and give you peace. Jane

Grace said...

That is so sad for them and for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

The Weathered Cottage said...

Chris I am so sorry. I wish I were better at expressing that to people. You will all be in my prayers and I am sending my love for your brother and sister in law.

Yvette said...

I'm so sorry for your families loss. I lost a baby at 18 weeks and can imagine some of the pain your brother and sis in law must be going through. I will pray for you guys also. So sorry.

Jennifuzz said...

Oh Chris, I am so sorry for your family. I can only imagine the heartache they are experiencing. Hugs to you. Jen

P@nmyfreetime.blogspot.com said...

God Bless!

Preppy Mama said...

I am so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Destination Seaborn said...

My heart truly aches for you and your family. There are no words that will take away the pain. I can only offer my thoughts and prayers that you will find comfort for the days ahead.
My first child was stillborn, three days before her due date. Last week, she would have been four years old. I've talked alot about her and my experience in recent posts on my blog. Feel free to stop by anytime.
((Gentle Hugs)) Lisa

Coleman Family said...

Your family will be in my prayers tonight. I'm so very sorry they've had to go through so much.

Sara @ Russet Street Reno said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, Chris. I hope that they find peace.

Elyse said...

i am so sorry for this pain you are all experiencing. :( my warmest thoughts are with you and your family.

Elizabeth (blue clear sky) said...

Oh Chris, I am so sorry for you and your family, for that couple who have faced so much loss. I will pray that you find comfort and support in each other at this difficult time.

JAG said...

So So sorry. My prayers are with your family. Such a loss, so incomprehensible.

Dianne said...

I am so sorry. I follow your blog and feel like I know you. Your strength will be most helpful to them. God bless you all.

Rachel said...

I just clicked on your blog as I was reading my friends. I must have been meant to read this as I too delivered a prem babe @ 29wks due to HELLP. Romany is now 12yrs old but we both almost lost our lives. After Romany we lost our next baby early then I went on to have another girl, also with pre eclampsia and then a son with mild HELLP again. My heart goes out to you and your family, and I am so sorry for your loss.

Cote de Texas said...

i am so sorry. so very very sorry. i will pray for your family. i know no words will help. i can't imagine the pain.,

The G Fam said...

I e-mailed you about your amazing talent. I included my blog address. I am the Mom to two angels. Lilly would be three, and Ryker would be two. They were born 1 year and 9 days apart, both with different but significant birth defects. It is hard on the soul to lose a child. Twice over is excruciating. We began to wonder if God wanted us to be parents. We were blessed to become and Mom and Dad again once more, this last April via adoption. I miss my sweet babies, loved being their Mom for a combined 12 weeks, but I am so grateful for our little almost one year old. You see, if we had gone down the road we went down, Collin would not be part of our family, and this little boy was meant to be part of our family. I know that right now, life sucks. I also know that although time does fade the pain, time does help in making the pain not so excruciating. You are a wonderful sister to be there, and although we will miss your posts, you need to be there for your family. My prayers will be with your family tonight.
Heart hugs,
Emily

Victoria said...

I am heartbroken for your brother and his wife. I can't even imagine the depths of despair that they must feel. I will be praying for you all as you go through this time.

Kate @ That's What Living Is To Me said...

I'm a regular follower of your blog, and your family is in my thoughts. I work in a prenatal clinic and counsel patients going through similar experiences. It always breaks my heart, and I'm sorry for your loss.

LauraJane said...

There are no words. I am so sorry

Kathy said...

Sometimes there are no words...
Just your presence...
Your love...
I am lifting you all up tonight...
xoxo~Kathy @ Sweet Up-North Mornings...

cottagewish said...

I will pray for your family.

a little bit vintage said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. I've been down that hard road and my heart breaks for all of you. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Blessings,
Rachel

~Amy Rose said...

I lost a baby at 24 weeks a few years ago...and it is devastating. You are doing the best thing by being there for them! All I can say is that only time can heal. It will take a while, but se just needs to have FAITH that God has a plan and a purpose. Even though it is so hard at the time to comprehend. My heart breaks for them...and they will be in my prayers.

Paula said...

God Bless you and your family at this difficult time

Funky Junk Interiors said...

I am so so very sorry for your family's loss.

Donna

Char said...

A light at the end of the tunnel: First, I am very sorry to hear of your losses. I had two losses and now have four beautiful and healthy boys. My first little girl lived for two weeks in NICU and my second was still born. After some of the hardest years of our lives, my husband and I now have four boys. All of them high risk and all with weeks of hospital bedrest, but all worth it, even the losses, to get us where we were going. It might not be of much comfort right now, but around the corner from grief there is hope. Much love, prayers to you and your entire family.

shabbychateaugirl said...

I'm so sorry for your loss during this already stressful time with your Mom. God Bless

the cinnamon post said...

Kind and loving thoughts to your brother and his wife and to you, Chris. Heartbreaking.
~Tara

LDWatkins said...

So sad for you and the family. Prayers for all of you.

MCH PHOTOGRAPHY said...

That is heartbreaking. My heart goes out to you and your family. I can't imagine what you are going thru.

susie.m said...

My heart and prayers are with you all. xx

Cottage Dreamers said...

It makes my own heart ache to hear how others suffer, especially when it comes to their little ones. I'll pray for strength and comfort during this difficult time for all of you.

jenna said...

praying for you and your entire family ~

Jill said...

Oh Chris, I am so sorry to hear of this enormous loss, once again for your brother and sister-in-law. My second pregnancy was a difficult, hold your breath-kind, with daily shots of blood-thinner (like your SIL), high-risk OB's, weekly blood draws etc...My story ended happily so I hope my story gives your family hope....no matter how small.

Jill

Cathy said...

I'm am so very sorry Chris..I can't even imagine the heartache...you all will be in my thoughts and prayers!

{{Big Hugs}}

Cathy

laney said...

...there are no words for the broken hearts and empty arms of your brother and sister in law...suffering may be universal...but grief is personal...this has never happened to anyone else...this thing that has happened to them...i send you prayers and love for you to give to them....blessings...

ME said...

I know all too well of recent broken hearts and honestly, there is nothing that can be said to make you or your family feel better. Just know that y'all are in our prayers and hope that the road to recovery is speedy. Never forget...
With compassion and love...

Suzann said...

Lifting prayers as I type.
I have lost a baby and there is no greater pain.

MilkMaid said...

Thoughts and prayers Chris...I am so sorry...carol

cK said...

So sorry to hear the news. I've had 8 miscarriages, 7 before I had my daughter and then one between her and my son so I know the pain you must all be feeling.

My thoughts and prayers and positive energy are sent to you and your family.

Hugs

Brighton said...

I am so sorry Chris.

Megan @ Megity's Handmade said...

Oh, my heart is broken for them. How devastating for you all. We will pray for comfort for your family.

Kristin said...

Love your blog, thank you so much for your kind comments on my kitchen, means a lot coming from you. I'm so sorry for the loss. I too was a victim of HELLP,it's horrible, both my son and I made it out alive it was very touch and go. I suffered a misscarriage later but then went on to have 2 more healthy boys. Please let your family know there is hope, a good doctor is key and she needs to be in a stress free environment. My prayers are with her :) Kristin

LinkWithin

you might also like