Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Broken hearted

Today is one of the days when you wish you could wake up and realize it was all just a bad dream .
many times today wondered if I read the message correctly , did it really say what I think it said ? no I couldn't have just read that the "baby is gone" , it is too painful to process , to unimaginable to be real.

My little brother and his wife have been trying to have a family for several years now , they had a couple of early miscarriages , then last year after all looked good , their baby was still born at 34 weeks due to an undiagnosed blood condition {of my SIL} and complications due to HELLP which is a severe form of pre eclampsia .

No parent should have to sit at the funeral of their baby , their pain was so hard to experience from the outside.
It took me a very long time to see a baby and not go back to that sad day , it was a long journey back to hope for them and dream for them again.

They got pregnant again , she was on blood thinners twice daily shots, blood pressure meds , seeing a high risk OB in Toronto , in fact the visits got bumped up to twice a week recently just to be safe . I got to see this precious baby alive an kicking during an ultrasound just a few weeks ago , all looked well , baby looked awesome.

But today on their visit {24 weeks} they found out the baby didn't make it , he or she is gone , some say to heaven , but this hole in our lives just says the baby is gone .
My arms ached as soon as I heard , like I had no life in my limbs , I wish I could make it all better , turn back time . Life should not be this hard for one couple....

I don't think I will be posting too much in the next little while , gonna focus on family .
But I will be back , just need some time ...

I am going to go to be with them this evening , please send me your strength , this is going to be a hard day and night for my family.

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